so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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