Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
