honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
