Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So squirting runs in the family.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
