so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I need moral support for this bender
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
