he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
