I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
