Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
