Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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