I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
