The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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