so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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