so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you inspire me to be a worse person
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
