tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
