If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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