i don't like sucking hair
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
