I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
