Sacagawea was the original milf.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
