and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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