Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
