soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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