i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dont even know how to be here
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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