hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Houston, we have a blender
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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