So drunk its hurt
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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