Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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