I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
