I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
