did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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