It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
