i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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