Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
