It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
