I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
