So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
