I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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