I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
