I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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