god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
