i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
