please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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