its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This house was built for laser tag.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
