Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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