I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
