you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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