I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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