I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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