We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
