I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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