fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
