Soap is not a condiment
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
