I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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