I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
