You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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