i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
