a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
