Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
