Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
